Meeting my baby.

Meeting my baby for the first time was so surreal.  I was feeling so strange from my surgery and medications that it made it feel almost like I was watching it happen.  I felt horrible.  I didn't want that to really be how we first met.  I didn't really feel like he was mine not because of him but because I wasn't feeling myself.  Josh was trying to videotape it and I just kept thinking that I don't want to remember it like this. 

Josh had to run home that Saturday night to take our baby shower gifts home and get a few things for himself (like a shower).  I was waiting not so patiently for him to come back.  I couldn't wait to finally see him after it seemed like everyone else had already.  So when he got back they wheeled me down.  I was freezing and wrapped in warm blankets.  When we got there I was so worried about holding him in this state, afraid I might drop him or something.  We didn't stay long because I was in bad shape.  But I had finally gotten that cute tiny babe in my arms.

Looking back at it I feel nothing but good about it.  I was holding this tiny little guy in my arms.  He was mine.
The next morning I was feeling much better.  Back to my old self.  The surgery wasn't as hard on my body as I imagined it would be.  I didn't need to take much pain medication.  I was walking down to see Max (when we weren't running late for his "cares") before I knew it.  I started pumping milk for Max to have.  Everyone that came to visit was surprised at how well I was doing.  My body wasn't recovering from the HELLP syndrome as well as they hoped it would be.  My blood pressure was still high.  But I'd never felt better.  I was a mommy. 

Ready or NOT!

I have some other things to catch up with the pregnancy but lets skip ahead for a minute.  It's time for my 35 week check up.  Check ups at this point are pretty boring.  I had started feeling pretty crappy earlier in the week.  My feet had started to swell and suddenly I was having some strange pains in my back.  And I just generally wasn't feeling well.  I had thought that I had just reached the point where pregnancy started to suck and the aches and pains were kicking in.  I was thinking it was going to be a long 5-ish weeks ahead of me.

So Thursday the 18th I leave work early to go to my appointment.  It took a sudden turn from the boring stat checking when I had slightly elevated blood pressure for the first time.  At first the midwife just wanted me to come back early in the next week and check it again.  But she must have had a hunch because then she decided to check the protein in my urine.  I could hardly get a few drops out.  What pregnant lady can't pee every few minutes?! Me.  But it was enough.  My urine came back possitive for protein.  So it was confirmed.  I had pre-eclampcia.  So the midwife sent me to the lab for some tests and a 24 hour urine collection.

I went home and told Josh.  I was completely bummed because everything had been going so well.  We looked up pre-eclampcia and it made since that I had been feeling crappy.  The next morning I went to work against the advice of my midwife because no one else was going to be in the office that day.  We were already 3 men down and at a plant of 7 that's a pretty big deal.  I was not looking forward to collecting and refrigerating my pee at work all day though. 

About 10 I got a call from the midwife who said that my labs were back and it wasn't looking good.  She said to get to the hospital within an hour with my overnight bag for more testing and to possible have the baby.  So I tell the guys and work and run out of work in the mist of craziness.  Leaving them with more then a few problems to deal with.

I went home and frantically put together a bag to take to the hospital.  When we got to the hospial our nurse said basically that she wasn't sure what other tests they could run and to prepare to have the baby.  Sure enough the midwife and doctor came in and said they were going to have to induce.  So they started the process.  But they said it would be a long process and I probably would have Max until Saturday or Sunday!  So we prepared for a long weekend.

I was getting my blood taken frequently to keep tabs on everything.  Suddenly it looked like things were getting bad and I might need a c-section.  But then maybe I wouldn't need one.  Things were going back and forth most of the afternoon.  My platelets were dropping and my blood pressure was going crazy.  All of the sudden they told me I had to get an epidural right that minute because my platelets were on the verge of being too low for one and if I had to have a c-section I would need one.   After that painful experience they started the medicine.  After a little bit it was clear that it wasn't working and the bad news was that my platelets were to low to mess with it.

We were still trying to induce the labor.  So my dad and Josh's parents went home thinking that it would be a while before we had the babe.  Then suddenly Max wasn't doing so good so it was time for a c-section.  Luckily my mom hadn't left yet so Josh and I had some extra support.  And did they ever move quickly.  I had to have general because my epidural wasn't going to work.  So Josh couldn't even attend the birth.  I was rushed to surgery so quickly I hardly knew what was happening.

Next thing I know I'm waking up back in my room to news that we have a beautiful tiny baby.  He was in the nicu but doing good.  I was pretty out of it from the pain meds and the magnesium they had to give me.  In fact the whole next day I was out of it.  Really out of it.  People came and went and I couldn't even be part of the conversation.  Josh was taking them down to meet Max a few at a time.  Finally about 10 I was starting to feel slightly better and it was time to move me from labor and delivery up to a room.  And it was also time for me to meet my baby boy.

Max Jay Bates

Naming a child is a very nerve racking thing to do.  How do you even begin to decide.  We had always had the idea that our first boy would have Max as a middle name.  But some where along the process of naming our first little boy.  Max became his first name.  We had kicked around a few ideas and thought of a million no's.  But Max felt right.  We could see calling our little guy Max.  Plus it was daddy's middle name.  And daddy was named after Grandpa Max Beck.  And he was a good man to be named after. 

Then we needed a middle name.  So somewhere along the way we decided to nod at my family tradition of J names and have all our middle names be J names.  But which one.  So we thought awhile on that. And then it was just Jay.  I always wanted a little girl to have the middle name Jae.  Because my dad called me J growing up.  And I have a great uncle Jay who is a good man.  And that reminds me of summers spent in Michigan at his house and the egg farm and fireflies and buggy rides and cousins.  Also the owner of the company I work for is named Jay and though I wouldn't name my baby after him it certainly doesn't hurt that he is a great guy.

And so we have Max Jay Bates.  The littlest name for a beautiful little boy.

Weird things.

Here is a list of odd things that are happening to my body during this pregnancy.

-I can't keep nail polish on anymore.  My nails must be extra oily because my nails don't keep polish like they used too.

-I'm almost 25 weeks and still puking twice a week.

-Gum infection?  Really.  Oh yes extra blood in the gums lead to infection.

-A little scratch bleeds forever.  Again with the extra blood.

-I guess that baby really is a heater because I'm the first one at work to turn on the AC now.  Can't wait to summer to get into full swing.

-Some days my ring slides right on, some days it barely fits.

-Some days I wear my earrings just fine, and some days they irritate my ears so much I can't stand to wear them.

-Sometimes I get red itchy flare-ups on my skin.  They go away shortly after bugging me for a bit.

-Hair is weird.  Don't know what else to say about it.  Not sure to love it or hate it.

-That's just hair on my head, don't get me started on other hair.

It's a BOY! And daddy's 3-0 birthday.

The day we thought would never come finally came.  Monday May 9th.  We had the ultrasound appointment in the morning and then the rest of the day off to hang out together. 

We went to the appointment and found out that I was suppose to register before.  Of course I had already had a dream of this happening the night before, in my dream in went much worse then in real life. We finally got back with the tech and she started with the boring stuff, measuring organs and such.  Finally about half way through she said it's a boy.  We were both in a little bit of shock because we were surprised that it wasn't a girl.  We had only in the past few days starting thinking it was going to be a girl.  Mostly from people telling us they thought it was!  But that didn't last too long.  A little man.  We were so excited to finally know and be able to plan.  The tech said the baby was measuring a little bit big. And daddy said he looked like he had long legs.  I can't imagine were he gets that from.  ;)

After the amount we went to the midwife appointment which was pretty uneventful.  Josh had sent a mass text with the announcement.  And it was his birthday so his phone was going crazy between the texts back with congratulations and the birthday wishes on facebook.  

Then we headed to lunch, Chinese, and to register for baby things.  We spend the whole afternoon looking about baby things and registering at Baby's R Us and Target.  I can't believe all the things involved in having a baby.  And the amount of choices and decisions to make.  Goodness.  I feel very blessed to have an other half that cares about these things and helps in the decision making process.  It would be very overwhelming without support. 

After our afternoon together I had plans for Josh's birthday to go to a tasting class at a local deli.  We learned all about different salami's and tasted many different types produced by a local company.  To some this might be silly.  But I just knew Josh would love it.  Meats and cheeses and breads.  It was good soul food.  That's for sure. 

Of course we had to stop by The Folks house to show them baby pictures and tell them about our tasting to wrap up our day.  It was a long day and we both wished we had a day to recover but it was one of the best days.  I hope Josh had an amazing 30 birthday.  <3 

First Mother's Day.

Yesterday I was watching one of my silly TV dramas and something was said that made me really think.  A dad said to his daughter at her wedding. "I've been waiting for this dance since I first held you in my arms." Or something along those lines.  And for the first time I really stopped to think that we aren't just parents to this little baby growing inside me but we will be parents forever.  To a baby, toddler, kids, teenager, adult.  Someone who will make decisions we don't agree with, get into trouble, and someday be a parent themselves.  It really stopped and made me think about how life changing that is to be a parent.

I have been feeling little baby thumps lately.  Not full on kicks but little movements.  It started about 16 weeks with little flutters when I was foolish enough to try and wear a belt.  I finally got some maternity pants and didn't feel much for a while.  Then the flutters got stronger and sometimes it feels more like your stomach rolling then flutters.  But a few times now I have really felt something.  I can't wait until I can really tell where the baby is in there.  And for Josh to be able to feel it.

On another pregnancy note I thought I was finally getting over my morning sickness.  After a week of not being sick I was sure I was done.  But of course 2 days before 20 weeks and I'm sick again.  It's like my body reminding me to get enough rest and focus on eating again.  Because it happened on a day when I was really tired and got a late lunch.  

Tomorrow marks 20 weeks.  Halfway.  And this is a big weekend for our little family.  First it will be my official Mothers Day.  Then on Monday is Josh's 30th birthday.  But also on that day we get to finally find out if this baby is a boy or girl.  I don't really care one way or another.  But I kinda lean towards girl sometimes for a few reasons.  I am the oldest girl and granddaughter.  And I kinda want to have that bond of being the oldest girl and granddaughter with my baby.  Also I just think it would be so cute to have a little daddy's girl.  Baby girls always just love Josh.  And I think it would be cute to have a little girl tagging along with her older boy cousins.  My mother in law is sure it's a boy.  I would love a boy too.  I have always wanted an older brother so having a boy first would give my future kids that.  Plus boys are mommy's boys.  So that would be nice.  And 3 little boy cousins all together would get into so much trouble.  And I love little man stuff.  I have no intuition which feels weird.  So far I have had one dream that this baby is a girl and one dream that it's a boy.  But I can't wait to know.  It feels like then we will be able to think more seriously about names after we see a picture of the baby.  And really be able to connect more to her/him.

Overview of the first Trimester.

Before I even knew I was pregnant I had just been so tired.  I was sleeping so much.  I thought maybe I was getting some of my usual winter blues, but I didn't feel depressed at all just tired.  Also I noticed that food wasn't looking that good and I wasn't eating very much.  Of course after I knew I was pregnant I began to notice more symptoms.

At first food just wasn't looking good and I didn't want to eat much.  Then my morning sickness started a little.  I just had to have toast and a ginger ale first thing in the morning and I was good for the rest of the day.  I though I was getting off easy for a while.  But then it really hit.  The toast and ginger ale wasn't doing the trick anymore.  I was starting to throw up anytime of day.  And I started living on processed food.   Mac and cheese, bean and cheese burritos, and anything high in carbs.  Poor Josh would make a nice dinner and I would try and eat what I could only to end up running for the bathroom.  Usually if I got something down and to stay down in the morning, even if it took a few tries, then the rest of the day would be ok.  But not always.  We couldn't really plan meals and I really couldn't cook much.  We ate way to much junk, fast food, and food from boxes or the freezer.  It's interesting that even though you want to eat the very best for you baby the only things that work are what are the worst.  I couldn't touch fruits, veggies, lean meats, or anything that we had bought to feed the baby good nutrients.

Then there are the changes to your body.  You start peeing all the time.  Then the pants get tighter and tighter as the little bean grows bigger.  Some days you are puffy everywhere and some days not so much.  You start to realize that your body will never be the same and that it's not just yours anymore.  

I still was so tired.  I was amazed at how much I could sleep and how simple things would wear me out.  I did feel very lucky that I was able to enjoy the whole first semester at home and didn't have to work.  It made for perfect timing.