I think I always knew I'd be a different kind of mom. But I never spend too much time thinking about it. Now that I've had my baby boy, I have found out about parenting styles. And apparently I have mostly fallen in the "attachment" parenting style. There isn't really any firm definition of what that means but for me it means that I co-sleep, I will breastfeed until my baby decides he is done, I baby-wear, cloth diaper and a few other silly things. But mostly to me it means that the baby decides everything and he is the center of my life.
Co-sleeping isn't just a bad habit we have developed. It's a choice that I made. I had a co-sleeper when he was tiny, then he came right in the bed with us, now that he is wanting his own space I will be side-caring his crib to give him more space in the family bed. He nurses on demand. That means about every 3 hours or so all night long. I will not be sleep training him or letting him "cry it out" so that I can sleep through the night. If he needs milk then why would I want him to not have it. Plus it goes against instincts to sleep alone. Many animals in the wild sleep in packs because it's safer. When Josh is not in bed I feel lonely. Almost everyone I know likes to sleep near someone. Why would a baby, who is so dependent, need to sleep alone? But isn't it unsafe to sleep with a baby? Not if you do it safely. Sleeping near momma helps the child's breathing reducing the risk of SIDS even.
I hold Max whenever I can. I hold him while he takes his naps and I wear him when I can, when shopping or cleaning. This is not spoiling him. This is the kind of mother I have chosen to be. I don't believe that you can spoil a baby. He has needs and it's my responsibility to meet them. And that is what I try my best to do. I don't think he can manipulate me into getting things.
I might be the crazy mom that breastfeeds her baby for longer then is socially acceptable. This is because he will call the shots on this one. He is still refusing a bottle all day long. Breast milk is a gift to baby's health and wellness so why take that away because people think it's awkward to feed a toddler?
The best part about this parenting style is the research that has been found that says that this makes for more independent children. Why would that be when they seem so dependent on their mother? I think it's because they learn to trust you. They trust that you would never let them do anything they shouldn't. They have nothing to fear. If something happens you will be right there for them. They know that you will respond to them because you have never let their cries go unheard. Max has already shown us his independence a few ways. Leaving him at daycare when he was 8 months old was a breeze. And he only wants to feed himself. Everyone notices how sweet he is. I think it helps that he has never had to be concerned about anything yet.
So you ask, "your relationship must suffer?" Yes it might a little. But it's a decision we made. We are being parents together and that brings us together in a whole new way. We had almost 10 years of making us strong enough to shift focus for a few years. I love Josh more then ever now and our time together is still special and amazing. Getting less of it might make it more so even. And "what about your you time" you say? Being a mom has made me the best me I have found yet. Plus what is more indulgent then holding your babe while he sleeps? Watching him in slumber is so relaxing. Taking a breather every 3 hours when he nurses to just stop and relax. I will never get that time back. They grow up so fast. I don't want to miss a minute of it so that I can go get my nails done or something. I leave my baby as little as possible. Those are my moments and I don't want to miss a one.
I also know that this isn't how everyone chooses to raise their own children. And that's ok with me too. But this is what works for me. And I love being attached.
