Motherhood.

I think I always knew I'd be a different kind of mom.  But I never spend too much time thinking about it.  Now that I've had my baby boy, I have found out about parenting styles.  And apparently I have mostly fallen in the "attachment" parenting style.  There isn't really any firm definition of what that means but for me it means that I co-sleep, I will breastfeed until my baby decides he is done, I baby-wear, cloth diaper and a few other silly things.  But mostly to me it means that the baby decides everything and he is the center of my life.

Co-sleeping isn't just a bad habit we have developed.  It's a choice that I made.  I had a co-sleeper when he was tiny, then he came right in the bed with us, now that he is wanting his own space I will be side-caring his crib to give him more space in the family bed.  He nurses on demand.  That means about every 3 hours or so all night long.  I will not be sleep training him or letting him "cry it out" so that I can sleep through the night.  If he needs milk then why would I want him to not have it.  Plus it goes against instincts to sleep alone.  Many animals in the wild sleep in packs because it's safer.  When Josh is not in bed I feel lonely.  Almost everyone I know likes to sleep near someone.  Why would a baby, who is so dependent, need to sleep alone?  But isn't it unsafe to sleep with a baby?  Not if you do it safely.  Sleeping near momma helps the child's breathing reducing the risk of SIDS even.

I hold Max whenever I can.  I hold him while he takes his naps and I wear him when I can, when shopping or cleaning.  This is not spoiling him.  This is the kind of mother I have chosen to be.  I don't believe that you can spoil a baby.  He has needs and it's my responsibility to meet them.  And that is what I try my best to do.  I don't think he can manipulate me into getting things. 

I might be the crazy mom that breastfeeds her baby for longer then is socially acceptable.  This is because he will call the shots on this one.  He is still refusing a bottle all day long.  Breast milk is a gift to baby's health and wellness so why take that away because people think it's awkward to feed a toddler?


The best part about this parenting style is the research that has been found that says that this makes for more independent children.  Why would that be when they seem so dependent on their mother? I think it's because they learn to trust you.  They trust that you would never let them do anything they shouldn't.  They have nothing to fear.  If something happens you will be right there for them.  They know that you will respond to them because you have never let their cries go unheard.  Max has already shown us his independence a few ways.  Leaving him at daycare when he was 8 months old was a breeze. And he only wants to feed himself.  Everyone notices how sweet he is.  I think it helps that he has never had to be concerned about anything yet.

So you ask, "your relationship must suffer?" Yes it might a little.  But it's a decision we made.  We are being parents together and that brings us together in a whole new way.  We had almost 10 years of making us strong enough to shift focus for a few years.  I love Josh more then ever now and our time together is still special and amazing.  Getting less of it might make it more so even.  And "what about your you time" you say?  Being a mom has made me the best me I have found yet.  Plus what is more indulgent then holding your babe while he sleeps?  Watching him in slumber is so relaxing.  Taking a breather every 3 hours when he nurses to just stop and relax.  I will never get that time back.  They grow up so fast.  I don't want to miss a minute of it so that I can go get my nails done or something.  I leave my baby as little as possible.  Those are my moments and I don't want to miss a one. 

I also know that this isn't how everyone chooses to raise their own children.  And that's ok with me too.  But this is what works for me.  And I love being attached.

2 Month Birthday!

8 weeks

At 8 weeks Max:

Loves having his back patted.

Hates having his boogies sucked.

Just started really smiling at things.

Gets called little guy, and little duder.

Is grunting less and less.  

Likes playing with his toys in his bouncer and baby gym thing.

Wore his first 0/3 outfit.

Lifts his head really well and starting to stand (with help) for short periods of time.

Changes more every day.  

I can't believe that he is already 2 months old.  I can't wait to see what is ahead but I'm loving every minute of being his mom.

NICU

The NICU has to be one of the most magical and saddest places on earth.  Max's stay thankfully was relatively short in NICU speak and he had very little in the way of interventions.  By the time I was regularly able to visit Max Josh had gotten to know the nurses and procedures much better then I did right at first. Daddy was the one that had changed him and knew that you had to weigh the diapers.  Daddy was the one to feed him first.  Josh had time to get into the routine of  being a NICU daddy before I had even been there.  It was odd as a mom to have the daddy telling you how to do everything the best way with the monitors on him.  Max had "cares" every 3 hours.  This was when he got his temperature taken, diaper changed (and weighed) and feed.  We started practicing breast feeding as soon as I felt up to it.  It was tricky for sure.  Sometimes he would do ok and sometimes he didn't even ever latch as first.  Then we would give him a bottle and finish by tubing what he couldn't get down.

I will never forget the first time we came to see him and he was dressed.  Before that he was wrapped in a swaddle type thing under a lamp.  When they dressed him the nurse gave him a little red hat that someone had knitted.  It even had a brim just like daddy's beanie.  It was the cutest thing.  That little hat will be one of my favorite keepsakes from when he was tiny.

We didn't know how long to expect Max to be in the NICU at first.  Even after I was discharged we were hoping that he wouldn't be far behind me but we didn't really know what all it would take to have him released to us.  We soon found out all the requirements.  The biggest thing that Max struggled with was taking all his feeding by mouth for a solid 48 hours.  So many times we would get so close.  We would leave at night thinking that we might get to bring him home with us the next day.  But the next day we would return to find that in the middle of the night they had to have his feeding tube put back in. 

Max being in the hospital also have us some time to get things ready for him at home.  We were in no way ready for him when he came.  We had to go shopping to get everything he would need.  We had a marathon shopping trip to Babies R Us.  We had to do some rearranging at the house along with some good cleaning.  So that by the time he came home we were as ready as we could be.

Having a baby in NICU was very educational.  We would be taught by the nurses almost every time we were there about something baby related.  It was stuff that every parent should know, not just preemie baby parents.  We also had to do CPR training and watch some videos.  In that regard we felt more prepared then if we just had had him at term.

After 9 days, Sunday August  28th Max came to stay. 

Meeting my baby.

Meeting my baby for the first time was so surreal.  I was feeling so strange from my surgery and medications that it made it feel almost like I was watching it happen.  I felt horrible.  I didn't want that to really be how we first met.  I didn't really feel like he was mine not because of him but because I wasn't feeling myself.  Josh was trying to videotape it and I just kept thinking that I don't want to remember it like this. 

Josh had to run home that Saturday night to take our baby shower gifts home and get a few things for himself (like a shower).  I was waiting not so patiently for him to come back.  I couldn't wait to finally see him after it seemed like everyone else had already.  So when he got back they wheeled me down.  I was freezing and wrapped in warm blankets.  When we got there I was so worried about holding him in this state, afraid I might drop him or something.  We didn't stay long because I was in bad shape.  But I had finally gotten that cute tiny babe in my arms.

Looking back at it I feel nothing but good about it.  I was holding this tiny little guy in my arms.  He was mine.
The next morning I was feeling much better.  Back to my old self.  The surgery wasn't as hard on my body as I imagined it would be.  I didn't need to take much pain medication.  I was walking down to see Max (when we weren't running late for his "cares") before I knew it.  I started pumping milk for Max to have.  Everyone that came to visit was surprised at how well I was doing.  My body wasn't recovering from the HELLP syndrome as well as they hoped it would be.  My blood pressure was still high.  But I'd never felt better.  I was a mommy. 

Ready or NOT!

I have some other things to catch up with the pregnancy but lets skip ahead for a minute.  It's time for my 35 week check up.  Check ups at this point are pretty boring.  I had started feeling pretty crappy earlier in the week.  My feet had started to swell and suddenly I was having some strange pains in my back.  And I just generally wasn't feeling well.  I had thought that I had just reached the point where pregnancy started to suck and the aches and pains were kicking in.  I was thinking it was going to be a long 5-ish weeks ahead of me.

So Thursday the 18th I leave work early to go to my appointment.  It took a sudden turn from the boring stat checking when I had slightly elevated blood pressure for the first time.  At first the midwife just wanted me to come back early in the next week and check it again.  But she must have had a hunch because then she decided to check the protein in my urine.  I could hardly get a few drops out.  What pregnant lady can't pee every few minutes?! Me.  But it was enough.  My urine came back possitive for protein.  So it was confirmed.  I had pre-eclampcia.  So the midwife sent me to the lab for some tests and a 24 hour urine collection.

I went home and told Josh.  I was completely bummed because everything had been going so well.  We looked up pre-eclampcia and it made since that I had been feeling crappy.  The next morning I went to work against the advice of my midwife because no one else was going to be in the office that day.  We were already 3 men down and at a plant of 7 that's a pretty big deal.  I was not looking forward to collecting and refrigerating my pee at work all day though. 

About 10 I got a call from the midwife who said that my labs were back and it wasn't looking good.  She said to get to the hospital within an hour with my overnight bag for more testing and to possible have the baby.  So I tell the guys and work and run out of work in the mist of craziness.  Leaving them with more then a few problems to deal with.

I went home and frantically put together a bag to take to the hospital.  When we got to the hospial our nurse said basically that she wasn't sure what other tests they could run and to prepare to have the baby.  Sure enough the midwife and doctor came in and said they were going to have to induce.  So they started the process.  But they said it would be a long process and I probably would have Max until Saturday or Sunday!  So we prepared for a long weekend.

I was getting my blood taken frequently to keep tabs on everything.  Suddenly it looked like things were getting bad and I might need a c-section.  But then maybe I wouldn't need one.  Things were going back and forth most of the afternoon.  My platelets were dropping and my blood pressure was going crazy.  All of the sudden they told me I had to get an epidural right that minute because my platelets were on the verge of being too low for one and if I had to have a c-section I would need one.   After that painful experience they started the medicine.  After a little bit it was clear that it wasn't working and the bad news was that my platelets were to low to mess with it.

We were still trying to induce the labor.  So my dad and Josh's parents went home thinking that it would be a while before we had the babe.  Then suddenly Max wasn't doing so good so it was time for a c-section.  Luckily my mom hadn't left yet so Josh and I had some extra support.  And did they ever move quickly.  I had to have general because my epidural wasn't going to work.  So Josh couldn't even attend the birth.  I was rushed to surgery so quickly I hardly knew what was happening.

Next thing I know I'm waking up back in my room to news that we have a beautiful tiny baby.  He was in the nicu but doing good.  I was pretty out of it from the pain meds and the magnesium they had to give me.  In fact the whole next day I was out of it.  Really out of it.  People came and went and I couldn't even be part of the conversation.  Josh was taking them down to meet Max a few at a time.  Finally about 10 I was starting to feel slightly better and it was time to move me from labor and delivery up to a room.  And it was also time for me to meet my baby boy.

Max Jay Bates

Naming a child is a very nerve racking thing to do.  How do you even begin to decide.  We had always had the idea that our first boy would have Max as a middle name.  But some where along the process of naming our first little boy.  Max became his first name.  We had kicked around a few ideas and thought of a million no's.  But Max felt right.  We could see calling our little guy Max.  Plus it was daddy's middle name.  And daddy was named after Grandpa Max Beck.  And he was a good man to be named after. 

Then we needed a middle name.  So somewhere along the way we decided to nod at my family tradition of J names and have all our middle names be J names.  But which one.  So we thought awhile on that. And then it was just Jay.  I always wanted a little girl to have the middle name Jae.  Because my dad called me J growing up.  And I have a great uncle Jay who is a good man.  And that reminds me of summers spent in Michigan at his house and the egg farm and fireflies and buggy rides and cousins.  Also the owner of the company I work for is named Jay and though I wouldn't name my baby after him it certainly doesn't hurt that he is a great guy.

And so we have Max Jay Bates.  The littlest name for a beautiful little boy.

Weird things.

Here is a list of odd things that are happening to my body during this pregnancy.

-I can't keep nail polish on anymore.  My nails must be extra oily because my nails don't keep polish like they used too.

-I'm almost 25 weeks and still puking twice a week.

-Gum infection?  Really.  Oh yes extra blood in the gums lead to infection.

-A little scratch bleeds forever.  Again with the extra blood.

-I guess that baby really is a heater because I'm the first one at work to turn on the AC now.  Can't wait to summer to get into full swing.

-Some days my ring slides right on, some days it barely fits.

-Some days I wear my earrings just fine, and some days they irritate my ears so much I can't stand to wear them.

-Sometimes I get red itchy flare-ups on my skin.  They go away shortly after bugging me for a bit.

-Hair is weird.  Don't know what else to say about it.  Not sure to love it or hate it.

-That's just hair on my head, don't get me started on other hair.