Meeting my baby.

Meeting my baby for the first time was so surreal.  I was feeling so strange from my surgery and medications that it made it feel almost like I was watching it happen.  I felt horrible.  I didn't want that to really be how we first met.  I didn't really feel like he was mine not because of him but because I wasn't feeling myself.  Josh was trying to videotape it and I just kept thinking that I don't want to remember it like this. 

Josh had to run home that Saturday night to take our baby shower gifts home and get a few things for himself (like a shower).  I was waiting not so patiently for him to come back.  I couldn't wait to finally see him after it seemed like everyone else had already.  So when he got back they wheeled me down.  I was freezing and wrapped in warm blankets.  When we got there I was so worried about holding him in this state, afraid I might drop him or something.  We didn't stay long because I was in bad shape.  But I had finally gotten that cute tiny babe in my arms.

Looking back at it I feel nothing but good about it.  I was holding this tiny little guy in my arms.  He was mine.
The next morning I was feeling much better.  Back to my old self.  The surgery wasn't as hard on my body as I imagined it would be.  I didn't need to take much pain medication.  I was walking down to see Max (when we weren't running late for his "cares") before I knew it.  I started pumping milk for Max to have.  Everyone that came to visit was surprised at how well I was doing.  My body wasn't recovering from the HELLP syndrome as well as they hoped it would be.  My blood pressure was still high.  But I'd never felt better.  I was a mommy.