Meeting my baby for the first time was so surreal. I was feeling so strange from my surgery and medications that it made it feel almost like I was watching it happen. I felt horrible. I didn't want that to really be how we first met. I didn't really feel like he was mine not because of him but because I wasn't feeling myself. Josh was trying to videotape it and I just kept thinking that I don't want to remember it like this.
Josh had to run home that Saturday night to take our baby shower gifts home and get a few things for himself (like a shower). I was waiting not so patiently for him to come back. I couldn't wait to finally see him after it seemed like everyone else had already. So when he got back they wheeled me down. I was freezing and wrapped in warm blankets. When we got there I was so worried about holding him in this state, afraid I might drop him or something. We didn't stay long because I was in bad shape. But I had finally gotten that cute tiny babe in my arms.
Looking back at it I feel nothing but good about it. I was holding this tiny little guy in my arms. He was mine.
The next morning I was feeling much better. Back to my old self. The surgery wasn't as hard on my body as I imagined it would be. I didn't need to take much pain medication. I was walking down to see Max (when we weren't running late for his "cares") before I knew it. I started pumping milk for Max to have. Everyone that came to visit was surprised at how well I was doing. My body wasn't recovering from the HELLP syndrome as well as they hoped it would be. My blood pressure was still high. But I'd never felt better. I was a mommy.
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