Yesterday I was watching one of my silly TV dramas and something was said that made me really think. A dad said to his daughter at her wedding. "I've been waiting for this dance since I first held you in my arms." Or something along those lines. And for the first time I really stopped to think that we aren't just parents to this little baby growing inside me but we will be parents forever. To a baby, toddler, kids, teenager, adult. Someone who will make decisions we don't agree with, get into trouble, and someday be a parent themselves. It really stopped and made me think about how life changing that is to be a parent.
I have been feeling little baby thumps lately. Not full on kicks but little movements. It started about 16 weeks with little flutters when I was foolish enough to try and wear a belt. I finally got some maternity pants and didn't feel much for a while. Then the flutters got stronger and sometimes it feels more like your stomach rolling then flutters. But a few times now I have really felt something. I can't wait until I can really tell where the baby is in there. And for Josh to be able to feel it.
On another pregnancy note I thought I was finally getting over my morning sickness. After a week of not being sick I was sure I was done. But of course 2 days before 20 weeks and I'm sick again. It's like my body reminding me to get enough rest and focus on eating again. Because it happened on a day when I was really tired and got a late lunch.
Tomorrow marks 20 weeks. Halfway. And this is a big weekend for our little family. First it will be my official Mothers Day. Then on Monday is Josh's 30th birthday. But also on that day we get to finally find out if this baby is a boy or girl. I don't really care one way or another. But I kinda lean towards girl sometimes for a few reasons. I am the oldest girl and granddaughter. And I kinda want to have that bond of being the oldest girl and granddaughter with my baby. Also I just think it would be so cute to have a little daddy's girl. Baby girls always just love Josh. And I think it would be cute to have a little girl tagging along with her older boy cousins. My mother in law is sure it's a boy. I would love a boy too. I have always wanted an older brother so having a boy first would give my future kids that. Plus boys are mommy's boys. So that would be nice. And 3 little boy cousins all together would get into so much trouble. And I love little man stuff. I have no intuition which feels weird. So far I have had one dream that this baby is a girl and one dream that it's a boy. But I can't wait to know. It feels like then we will be able to think more seriously about names after we see a picture of the baby. And really be able to connect more to her/him.
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