2 Month Birthday!

8 weeks

At 8 weeks Max:

Loves having his back patted.

Hates having his boogies sucked.

Just started really smiling at things.

Gets called little guy, and little duder.

Is grunting less and less.  

Likes playing with his toys in his bouncer and baby gym thing.

Wore his first 0/3 outfit.

Lifts his head really well and starting to stand (with help) for short periods of time.

Changes more every day.  

I can't believe that he is already 2 months old.  I can't wait to see what is ahead but I'm loving every minute of being his mom.

NICU

The NICU has to be one of the most magical and saddest places on earth.  Max's stay thankfully was relatively short in NICU speak and he had very little in the way of interventions.  By the time I was regularly able to visit Max Josh had gotten to know the nurses and procedures much better then I did right at first. Daddy was the one that had changed him and knew that you had to weigh the diapers.  Daddy was the one to feed him first.  Josh had time to get into the routine of  being a NICU daddy before I had even been there.  It was odd as a mom to have the daddy telling you how to do everything the best way with the monitors on him.  Max had "cares" every 3 hours.  This was when he got his temperature taken, diaper changed (and weighed) and feed.  We started practicing breast feeding as soon as I felt up to it.  It was tricky for sure.  Sometimes he would do ok and sometimes he didn't even ever latch as first.  Then we would give him a bottle and finish by tubing what he couldn't get down.

I will never forget the first time we came to see him and he was dressed.  Before that he was wrapped in a swaddle type thing under a lamp.  When they dressed him the nurse gave him a little red hat that someone had knitted.  It even had a brim just like daddy's beanie.  It was the cutest thing.  That little hat will be one of my favorite keepsakes from when he was tiny.

We didn't know how long to expect Max to be in the NICU at first.  Even after I was discharged we were hoping that he wouldn't be far behind me but we didn't really know what all it would take to have him released to us.  We soon found out all the requirements.  The biggest thing that Max struggled with was taking all his feeding by mouth for a solid 48 hours.  So many times we would get so close.  We would leave at night thinking that we might get to bring him home with us the next day.  But the next day we would return to find that in the middle of the night they had to have his feeding tube put back in. 

Max being in the hospital also have us some time to get things ready for him at home.  We were in no way ready for him when he came.  We had to go shopping to get everything he would need.  We had a marathon shopping trip to Babies R Us.  We had to do some rearranging at the house along with some good cleaning.  So that by the time he came home we were as ready as we could be.

Having a baby in NICU was very educational.  We would be taught by the nurses almost every time we were there about something baby related.  It was stuff that every parent should know, not just preemie baby parents.  We also had to do CPR training and watch some videos.  In that regard we felt more prepared then if we just had had him at term.

After 9 days, Sunday August  28th Max came to stay. 

Meeting my baby.

Meeting my baby for the first time was so surreal.  I was feeling so strange from my surgery and medications that it made it feel almost like I was watching it happen.  I felt horrible.  I didn't want that to really be how we first met.  I didn't really feel like he was mine not because of him but because I wasn't feeling myself.  Josh was trying to videotape it and I just kept thinking that I don't want to remember it like this. 

Josh had to run home that Saturday night to take our baby shower gifts home and get a few things for himself (like a shower).  I was waiting not so patiently for him to come back.  I couldn't wait to finally see him after it seemed like everyone else had already.  So when he got back they wheeled me down.  I was freezing and wrapped in warm blankets.  When we got there I was so worried about holding him in this state, afraid I might drop him or something.  We didn't stay long because I was in bad shape.  But I had finally gotten that cute tiny babe in my arms.

Looking back at it I feel nothing but good about it.  I was holding this tiny little guy in my arms.  He was mine.
The next morning I was feeling much better.  Back to my old self.  The surgery wasn't as hard on my body as I imagined it would be.  I didn't need to take much pain medication.  I was walking down to see Max (when we weren't running late for his "cares") before I knew it.  I started pumping milk for Max to have.  Everyone that came to visit was surprised at how well I was doing.  My body wasn't recovering from the HELLP syndrome as well as they hoped it would be.  My blood pressure was still high.  But I'd never felt better.  I was a mommy. 

Ready or NOT!

I have some other things to catch up with the pregnancy but lets skip ahead for a minute.  It's time for my 35 week check up.  Check ups at this point are pretty boring.  I had started feeling pretty crappy earlier in the week.  My feet had started to swell and suddenly I was having some strange pains in my back.  And I just generally wasn't feeling well.  I had thought that I had just reached the point where pregnancy started to suck and the aches and pains were kicking in.  I was thinking it was going to be a long 5-ish weeks ahead of me.

So Thursday the 18th I leave work early to go to my appointment.  It took a sudden turn from the boring stat checking when I had slightly elevated blood pressure for the first time.  At first the midwife just wanted me to come back early in the next week and check it again.  But she must have had a hunch because then she decided to check the protein in my urine.  I could hardly get a few drops out.  What pregnant lady can't pee every few minutes?! Me.  But it was enough.  My urine came back possitive for protein.  So it was confirmed.  I had pre-eclampcia.  So the midwife sent me to the lab for some tests and a 24 hour urine collection.

I went home and told Josh.  I was completely bummed because everything had been going so well.  We looked up pre-eclampcia and it made since that I had been feeling crappy.  The next morning I went to work against the advice of my midwife because no one else was going to be in the office that day.  We were already 3 men down and at a plant of 7 that's a pretty big deal.  I was not looking forward to collecting and refrigerating my pee at work all day though. 

About 10 I got a call from the midwife who said that my labs were back and it wasn't looking good.  She said to get to the hospital within an hour with my overnight bag for more testing and to possible have the baby.  So I tell the guys and work and run out of work in the mist of craziness.  Leaving them with more then a few problems to deal with.

I went home and frantically put together a bag to take to the hospital.  When we got to the hospial our nurse said basically that she wasn't sure what other tests they could run and to prepare to have the baby.  Sure enough the midwife and doctor came in and said they were going to have to induce.  So they started the process.  But they said it would be a long process and I probably would have Max until Saturday or Sunday!  So we prepared for a long weekend.

I was getting my blood taken frequently to keep tabs on everything.  Suddenly it looked like things were getting bad and I might need a c-section.  But then maybe I wouldn't need one.  Things were going back and forth most of the afternoon.  My platelets were dropping and my blood pressure was going crazy.  All of the sudden they told me I had to get an epidural right that minute because my platelets were on the verge of being too low for one and if I had to have a c-section I would need one.   After that painful experience they started the medicine.  After a little bit it was clear that it wasn't working and the bad news was that my platelets were to low to mess with it.

We were still trying to induce the labor.  So my dad and Josh's parents went home thinking that it would be a while before we had the babe.  Then suddenly Max wasn't doing so good so it was time for a c-section.  Luckily my mom hadn't left yet so Josh and I had some extra support.  And did they ever move quickly.  I had to have general because my epidural wasn't going to work.  So Josh couldn't even attend the birth.  I was rushed to surgery so quickly I hardly knew what was happening.

Next thing I know I'm waking up back in my room to news that we have a beautiful tiny baby.  He was in the nicu but doing good.  I was pretty out of it from the pain meds and the magnesium they had to give me.  In fact the whole next day I was out of it.  Really out of it.  People came and went and I couldn't even be part of the conversation.  Josh was taking them down to meet Max a few at a time.  Finally about 10 I was starting to feel slightly better and it was time to move me from labor and delivery up to a room.  And it was also time for me to meet my baby boy.

Max Jay Bates

Naming a child is a very nerve racking thing to do.  How do you even begin to decide.  We had always had the idea that our first boy would have Max as a middle name.  But some where along the process of naming our first little boy.  Max became his first name.  We had kicked around a few ideas and thought of a million no's.  But Max felt right.  We could see calling our little guy Max.  Plus it was daddy's middle name.  And daddy was named after Grandpa Max Beck.  And he was a good man to be named after. 

Then we needed a middle name.  So somewhere along the way we decided to nod at my family tradition of J names and have all our middle names be J names.  But which one.  So we thought awhile on that. And then it was just Jay.  I always wanted a little girl to have the middle name Jae.  Because my dad called me J growing up.  And I have a great uncle Jay who is a good man.  And that reminds me of summers spent in Michigan at his house and the egg farm and fireflies and buggy rides and cousins.  Also the owner of the company I work for is named Jay and though I wouldn't name my baby after him it certainly doesn't hurt that he is a great guy.

And so we have Max Jay Bates.  The littlest name for a beautiful little boy.

Weird things.

Here is a list of odd things that are happening to my body during this pregnancy.

-I can't keep nail polish on anymore.  My nails must be extra oily because my nails don't keep polish like they used too.

-I'm almost 25 weeks and still puking twice a week.

-Gum infection?  Really.  Oh yes extra blood in the gums lead to infection.

-A little scratch bleeds forever.  Again with the extra blood.

-I guess that baby really is a heater because I'm the first one at work to turn on the AC now.  Can't wait to summer to get into full swing.

-Some days my ring slides right on, some days it barely fits.

-Some days I wear my earrings just fine, and some days they irritate my ears so much I can't stand to wear them.

-Sometimes I get red itchy flare-ups on my skin.  They go away shortly after bugging me for a bit.

-Hair is weird.  Don't know what else to say about it.  Not sure to love it or hate it.

-That's just hair on my head, don't get me started on other hair.

It's a BOY! And daddy's 3-0 birthday.

The day we thought would never come finally came.  Monday May 9th.  We had the ultrasound appointment in the morning and then the rest of the day off to hang out together. 

We went to the appointment and found out that I was suppose to register before.  Of course I had already had a dream of this happening the night before, in my dream in went much worse then in real life. We finally got back with the tech and she started with the boring stuff, measuring organs and such.  Finally about half way through she said it's a boy.  We were both in a little bit of shock because we were surprised that it wasn't a girl.  We had only in the past few days starting thinking it was going to be a girl.  Mostly from people telling us they thought it was!  But that didn't last too long.  A little man.  We were so excited to finally know and be able to plan.  The tech said the baby was measuring a little bit big. And daddy said he looked like he had long legs.  I can't imagine were he gets that from.  ;)

After the amount we went to the midwife appointment which was pretty uneventful.  Josh had sent a mass text with the announcement.  And it was his birthday so his phone was going crazy between the texts back with congratulations and the birthday wishes on facebook.  

Then we headed to lunch, Chinese, and to register for baby things.  We spend the whole afternoon looking about baby things and registering at Baby's R Us and Target.  I can't believe all the things involved in having a baby.  And the amount of choices and decisions to make.  Goodness.  I feel very blessed to have an other half that cares about these things and helps in the decision making process.  It would be very overwhelming without support. 

After our afternoon together I had plans for Josh's birthday to go to a tasting class at a local deli.  We learned all about different salami's and tasted many different types produced by a local company.  To some this might be silly.  But I just knew Josh would love it.  Meats and cheeses and breads.  It was good soul food.  That's for sure. 

Of course we had to stop by The Folks house to show them baby pictures and tell them about our tasting to wrap up our day.  It was a long day and we both wished we had a day to recover but it was one of the best days.  I hope Josh had an amazing 30 birthday.  <3 

First Mother's Day.

Yesterday I was watching one of my silly TV dramas and something was said that made me really think.  A dad said to his daughter at her wedding. "I've been waiting for this dance since I first held you in my arms." Or something along those lines.  And for the first time I really stopped to think that we aren't just parents to this little baby growing inside me but we will be parents forever.  To a baby, toddler, kids, teenager, adult.  Someone who will make decisions we don't agree with, get into trouble, and someday be a parent themselves.  It really stopped and made me think about how life changing that is to be a parent.

I have been feeling little baby thumps lately.  Not full on kicks but little movements.  It started about 16 weeks with little flutters when I was foolish enough to try and wear a belt.  I finally got some maternity pants and didn't feel much for a while.  Then the flutters got stronger and sometimes it feels more like your stomach rolling then flutters.  But a few times now I have really felt something.  I can't wait until I can really tell where the baby is in there.  And for Josh to be able to feel it.

On another pregnancy note I thought I was finally getting over my morning sickness.  After a week of not being sick I was sure I was done.  But of course 2 days before 20 weeks and I'm sick again.  It's like my body reminding me to get enough rest and focus on eating again.  Because it happened on a day when I was really tired and got a late lunch.  

Tomorrow marks 20 weeks.  Halfway.  And this is a big weekend for our little family.  First it will be my official Mothers Day.  Then on Monday is Josh's 30th birthday.  But also on that day we get to finally find out if this baby is a boy or girl.  I don't really care one way or another.  But I kinda lean towards girl sometimes for a few reasons.  I am the oldest girl and granddaughter.  And I kinda want to have that bond of being the oldest girl and granddaughter with my baby.  Also I just think it would be so cute to have a little daddy's girl.  Baby girls always just love Josh.  And I think it would be cute to have a little girl tagging along with her older boy cousins.  My mother in law is sure it's a boy.  I would love a boy too.  I have always wanted an older brother so having a boy first would give my future kids that.  Plus boys are mommy's boys.  So that would be nice.  And 3 little boy cousins all together would get into so much trouble.  And I love little man stuff.  I have no intuition which feels weird.  So far I have had one dream that this baby is a girl and one dream that it's a boy.  But I can't wait to know.  It feels like then we will be able to think more seriously about names after we see a picture of the baby.  And really be able to connect more to her/him.

Overview of the first Trimester.

Before I even knew I was pregnant I had just been so tired.  I was sleeping so much.  I thought maybe I was getting some of my usual winter blues, but I didn't feel depressed at all just tired.  Also I noticed that food wasn't looking that good and I wasn't eating very much.  Of course after I knew I was pregnant I began to notice more symptoms.

At first food just wasn't looking good and I didn't want to eat much.  Then my morning sickness started a little.  I just had to have toast and a ginger ale first thing in the morning and I was good for the rest of the day.  I though I was getting off easy for a while.  But then it really hit.  The toast and ginger ale wasn't doing the trick anymore.  I was starting to throw up anytime of day.  And I started living on processed food.   Mac and cheese, bean and cheese burritos, and anything high in carbs.  Poor Josh would make a nice dinner and I would try and eat what I could only to end up running for the bathroom.  Usually if I got something down and to stay down in the morning, even if it took a few tries, then the rest of the day would be ok.  But not always.  We couldn't really plan meals and I really couldn't cook much.  We ate way to much junk, fast food, and food from boxes or the freezer.  It's interesting that even though you want to eat the very best for you baby the only things that work are what are the worst.  I couldn't touch fruits, veggies, lean meats, or anything that we had bought to feed the baby good nutrients.

Then there are the changes to your body.  You start peeing all the time.  Then the pants get tighter and tighter as the little bean grows bigger.  Some days you are puffy everywhere and some days not so much.  You start to realize that your body will never be the same and that it's not just yours anymore.  

I still was so tired.  I was amazed at how much I could sleep and how simple things would wear me out.  I did feel very lucky that I was able to enjoy the whole first semester at home and didn't have to work.  It made for perfect timing.

Letting the cat out of the bag.

We found out pretty early (5 weeks) that we were indeed expecting.  Knowing quite a few people that had miscarried we thought we'd better keep it to ourselves and family for a while.  Little did we know how hard it would be to keep quiet. 

First I told my sister Jessica before I even told Josh.  Then we called his parents.  The next morning I had to tell Camille and Jason my sister-in-law and brother.  Camille had wanted me to get pregnant more then just about anyone but Josh's mom.  Then Friday night we decided to head to Provo to tell my parents.  First stop my Dad's to tell him and Reagan.  I got Reagan a doll and told her she better get some practice in because we were going to have 3 babies this year.  Or as my dad said tres bambinos.  Then we went to my mom's and told her.  Everyone was excited for us.  And we found out that people had been worried about me being sad to not be pregnant with Jess and Camille.  I never really felt that way at all though. 

Josh was playing the role of proud papa very well and just couldn't keep it to himself.  He would tell anyone that he talked to.  So our friends found out fairly quickly.  They are so excited to have a little baby in the group to love and spoil and play house music to. 

After our ultra-sound we felt more comfortable telling people and began to tell extended family.  I told my mom's side of the family at my great-grandmothers viewing for the most part.  We showed off the little picture of what I termed "the blob."  Our silly picture in no way resembled a baby but we couldn't help show it off anyways. 

Once we were sure the important people had heard the announcement from us, we could come out with it on Facebook and let "everyone" know.  Finally it was no longer a secret.  Not that we had been good at keeping it in the first place.  

Doctor, Doctor.

At the top of the list of things to do once finding out we were pregnant was getting a doctor.  I did the research for what my insurance would cover as far as hospitals and doctors in our area.  I was pleased to find out that the new hospital in the valley, IMC, was the closest and was also covered under our plan.  I also found out that many doctors had an office right in the Women and Children Center, where I would be delivering.  So I called on of the offices and had them pick a doctor.  (I couldn't really find any referrals or anything else to go off of.)  Our appointment wasn't until 8 weeks which was February 16th. And we couldn't wait to go to make sure everything was alright.

The day finally arrived.  After paperwork and vitals the doctor came in to do an exam.  And we finally got a peek at our little one.  The ultra-sound showed that there was indeed a baby and we watched the little heartbeat.  What a welcome relief that was. The doctor asked us if we had any questions.  We asked the few that we did questions we did have.  (We had been doing our homework and felt pretty good about knowing things.) And that was that.  Besides the ultra-sound everything seemed kind of anticlimactic.

Sometime between when I made the doctors appointment and when it came we had watched a few documentaries and read a few books.  And we had realized that we would rather have a natural childbirth with a mid-wife assisting then a more "traditional" OB-GYN birth.  But when I called to get into the mid-wife I couldn't get into until after the OB appointment.  So I decided to keep them both and then make a more educated decision on what would be best for us.  We did have a few concerns that I could be labeled high-risk because of my weight and therefore need the OB.

The appointment with the mid-wife the next was the next week.  I had to fill out more forms and then tell them that I had already had an appointment with the OB that did all my blood work and exam.  So we just talked.  At first I had concerns about seeing a different mid-wife for each appointment and then getting which ever one was on call to deliver the baby.  But after talking with her we felt so much better about this route then the OB route.  Every mid-wife has the same ideas that birth is a natural condition.  By getting the mid-wife that is on call to deliver you can be sure that you have a fresh face to help you out.  Not a doctor who may have many other things going on.  The mid-wife also explained that each visit would be about on hour long as they had a list of things to teach you every time you came in.  This being our first baby the idea of education was amazing (as apposed to just answering the questions you already have).   We came out of that appointment feeling much better about what to expect with the pregnancy and delivery with the mid-wife then the OB.  Not to mention some of the other benefits like the fact that mid-wives are cheaper, and they can still do almost anything the doc can do except for a c-section.  But they have a doctor on-call in case the need should arise.  Even though we had seen the little one at the first appointment this one had left us with just the right feeling that this was right for us.

BFP

It was a quite Wednesday Night on January 19th, 2011 .  Josh was going to a friends house and I needed to get out of the house.  So I wandered around the Dollartree.  I picked up a few things and when I happened past the pregnancy tests I decided to grab two to have on hand.  Thinking they would most be for piece of mind if that "something" was running behind schedule that month.

I got home and then I after looking at my loot (how much candy does one need?).  I realized that that "something" was running behind schedule that month.  But the amount of chocolate I had just bought was surely a sign that "it" was coming right up.  I decided to take one of the tests, just in case.    

The test was showing two lines.  But it's from the dollar store so I just couldn't believe it.  I took the other test.  Still two lines.  I still couldn't trust the results. So I jumped in the car and got my in shock self to Target to buy a "real" test.  I got home with the three pack and tried to do my business with it.  But having peed on two sticks already I had nothing but a drop or two come out.  So I went to get more water to drink and thought I'd try again.  I happened back by I realized it had become positive off of that drop or two.  Now I was a believer.

How was I ever going to tell Josh?  Being creative was a bit out of the question at this time of night.  But I didn't want to just blurt it out either.  I just was hoping he wouldn't be at his friends too long.  I had to tell someone before I exploded.  I texted my sister Jess.  I couldn't wait to tell her so that we could "be pregnant" together. 

Thank heavens Josh wasn't long.  I asked him how his night was and then just pulled the test right out.  He was in pure shock at first and couldn't believe it.  But when he did he was so excited.  He had to call his parents right then.  Of course it was 11:30 at night, and I had always imagined "telling" in some fun way, but he called anyway.  They couldn't believe it and had to check in the morning to make sure it wasn't a dream.

Of course, there was no getting to sleep that night.  I had an appointment in the morning too.  An appointment I canceled after being up until sunrise looking up pregnancy stuff.  I figured out how far along I was (5 weeks) and my due date (September 24th).  Josh somehow managed to get a few hours of sleeping before going to work the next morning.

Then a few other things had started to make since after we realized I was indeed expecting.  Like why I had been sleeping so much the past week and a half.  And why it had become harder to just eat food.  I never in a million years thought that it would be so fast and easy to get pregnant (having tried before).  I guess timing is everything.  And it was the right time.

It all begins.

After turning 29 I really began to think about what I wanted to do with my life. (You know all the things you thought you would do before turning 30 are staring you in the face.)  Then on December 18, Josh and I got into a conversation (on a dancefloor of course) about having a baby.  We really talked about our fears and where we were and decided that we were ready.  Things were by no means perfect but never-the-less it was a good time for us.

We had always said we would wait until we were 30.  And this year we will be.  We had worried about our weight but having just lost a good chunk we felt more comfortable, plus we thought trying to have a baby would be very motivating to keeping us on the weight loss track.  We had just found out that Josh would be keeping his job (after a company change) and we had decided that my job was a good career path for me.  We had just become a two car family again after a period of only having one car.  We had worked hard that the previous year to get our bills down to basics.  And most of all it just felt right for the first time in our almost 8 years. 

I'd be lying if I said that the fact that my sister and sister-in-law were pregnant didn't have a little something to do with it.  We had always teased that we would all have our babies together.  Jess had announced that she was having a boy at Thanksgiving and Camille and Jason announced they were having a baby the first part of December.   That really got the wheels a spinning.  But overall I feel like it was the right time for us too.  And it's just so fun that we can all do it together.  And those cousins are going to be best buds.